sorry

i wonder whether i hurt you.
the words i said were selected quite carefully not to though,
being rejected isn't a happy thing any way.

you might think it as a happening which you didn't expect to happen but not a big deal.
if so, my apology doesn't worth a thing.
but if you were upset like me and felt sorry like me and missed me even if it was not like the way i did, i want to apologise.
sorry.

two

two in same state

but in different direction

with different passenger.

know not knowing

knowing
not knowing
pretending
self harming
and realising there is no way to go back.

never been in this

i've never been this brave.
i've never been this blind.
i've never been this talkative.
i've never been this troubled.
i've never been this doubtless.
i've never been this defenseless.

stand still air tight fist

neither backward nor forward
left or right
close my fist tight and turn eyes to my guts
there in stark air
i stand
i hold
become a scenery.

갑자기

it feels like everything will happen in a sudden and disappear also in a sudden.
모든 것이 갑자기 일어나서 갑자기 죽어버릴것 같아.

but im still standing in front of the door

trying to look through, wishing to be let in

a azuki bean

heart turns into a azuki bean
sprout
a knife sharp baby leaf
poke its head from inside
i hold the opening
with loose stitches
as if i am waiting it to be torn out,
vomiting the yet to be photosynthesized leaves
and it costs some kind of pain insomnia

심장이 팥알이 된다 
안쪽에 뾰족한 머리가 찌르며 
배를 갈라 찟고 나오려한다 
아직은 광합성을 시작하지 않은 그것을 쏟아놓길 기다리며 
나는 엉성한 시침질로 배를 붙잡는다 
 그리고 그 위 통증, 불면을 가면처럼 씌워놓는다