one i want to be

i watched a film.
the girl in the film looked sad.
thought that i don't want to be like her.
a moment later,
thought that one would say don't want to be like me.

one friend said 'be yourself'.
i feel i'm in the middle of the line of looking, heading toward what i want to be
i left me.
i'm constantly not me
as i always want to be something, someone.
me, the one i would say as myself lives in the air, between what i want and what i am.

don't know whether i want to go back or i can go back
it's not backward then it's another forward.
there's no backward, can't be.